It has been a difficult week for writing. I couldn’t be happier to greet a Friday morning. I was a surge of energy as I completed my morning routine, grabbed some coffee, my comfy clothes, and sat down to write!
All I wanted to do all week! Didn’t have time. Bummer!
I have been making an extreme effort to keep things going. I planned out a schedule, and thought of other ideas a couple of nights ago. Things I might add in the future. I think it’s trial and error. Learning what works, and what doesn’t.
My mind is split in so many directions this week. Three out of five days I had appointments. Certain issues to deal with for the children. Bills to pay. Oh, and a new medication to try. Side effects are lovely. Not!
Let me just say briefly taking Cymbalta for joint pain was not a good experience. I felt wired. Not in a good way. I felt all kinds of weird things. Extremely happy. Then, sad. I couldn’t sit still. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t sleep.
If I woke up in the night, then tried to resume sleeping I couldn’t. My husband the lumberjack was a chainsaw cutting logs– the snoring kept me up.
When I can’t sleep, I can’t think to write very well.
My son is having issues at school. He promised he would do better. Even with modifications at home, he isn’t. We are attending counseling. Still not breaking through. It is breaking my heart.
He tells my mother on me. It is like she is going to save him. Tell me I am unfair and he should have video games all the time. They aren’t good for him. How do I know who he is talking to on there? I don’t.
So he won’t have free rein. I know what he is doing, and when.
We had a conversation last night about his circle of friends. I think they are a bad influence. Maybe not all of them. However, since hanging out with some of them he is losing interest in things once important to him.
For instance: He LOVED taking a yearly trip with the band for their competition. This year, he had NO interest in going. It was almost like he did poorly in class so he didn’t go. Slacked off.
This bothers me because he is smart. He didn’t do this the first two semesters. He loves band. He is an EXCELLENT drummer. Gets along so well with his band director. Didn’t even bother to tell him we weren’t going on this trip. I don’t know why.
Another instance: Out of the blue yesterday, he says he doesn’t want to be a video game designer/developer. This has been his life long dream since I can remember. He went to school bragging about it. How he was going to be so good at it. He knew he had to work hard, and he didn’t care. He had the grades to do it. He only had to work at Math.
I told him I would support him no matter what he wanted to do. I believe, as a parent, it is what we have to do. Be supportive. Though he doesn’t even know what that IS now. I don’t know what would cause him to give up his dream?
So last night, I told him he needed to evaluate the people closest to him. Maybe they are jealous of him because he does so well, and they are trying to drag him down? Friends can be fake behind your back? It can be rare to find a genuine friend. (In my experiences.)
One of his friends wasn’t taking gym. So he decided he wasn’t going to either. This was affecting his gym grade dramatically. They will fail him– eventually. He would “accidentally” forget his clothes. We spoke to him about his lack of effort, and how it is lazy not to change. Gym is an easy grade.
Last night, he told me he “at least his friend was changing for gym” because he helped him. I chuckled. Still not sinking in– I said,” Yeah, you may be helping him, but he isn’t helping you! You are still sinking!”
His answer to everything– “Yeah, I’m gonna fix that!”
You shouldn’t lose yourself in a friendship. You need to be yourself, too. Not who your friends are. He doesn’t understand that.
He doesn’t understand while his grades are plummeting, and he isn’t putting in the effort that they are affecting who he is becoming. He is letting them.
He isn’t understanding the natural progression of school. It’s going to get harder and faster, and he isn’t prepared. He needs to separate himself from these people. He needs organization, but he’s lazy.
He thinks it is okay to act like a 20-something year-old stoner, who sits around all day playing video games, and has no other care in the world. I don’t know how he is going to learn how to establish healthy relationships if we can’t pry him away from the virtual world.
Which his doctor and therapist agree is okay in limited forms. It helps his depression. Depression from middle-school because it is awful there.
This week, he told me he has a sixteen dollar tab because mysteriously his lunch keeps getting taken. He doesn’t know by whom. I called his father asking if he would call the school. But at this point, we aren’t sure if he is making an excuse to eat at school.
We told him to be more alert when he is eating so when we call the school we have a name. How can we call if we don’t have a name? If he is talking and not paying attention, he needs to pay more attention to his lunch, and eating.
He agrees to stuff, but then he complains about it later. So typical.
I am so glad my daughter isn’t a teenager, yet.
So yeah, that is this week in a nutshell. I made it!
Hopefully this weekend is a nice relaxing one. With some time to write, and plan.
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!