It may seem as though I abandoned my blog. It does look that way. Though appearances are often deceiving…
As much as I wanted to write, I had a series of catastrophes to deal with. First, my failing marriage– no surprise there. Second, health issues and testing– stalemate. Third, my children (my teenager and his issues) — and dun dun dun home-school.
Situations aren’t as bad as they look on your computer screen.
With many prayers and compromises from both parties, my marriage is improving. Health issues are.. meh. It seems my situation stays the same, which is disheartening. I am hoping my last specialist appointment will help uncover part of the mystery. And home-school.. I know! Wow!
So why did I decide on home-school?
Having a teenager is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life! They can be so complicated. I feel bad for EVERYTHING I put my mother through!!
My son isn’t a troublemaker. He wasn’t expelled. The school wasn’t helping him. In some ways, they held him back. In other ways, he fell behind with his school work.
So our decision was partially because of the school. The other part was the crowd he associated with. I am not labeling these kids as “bad” kids. They were guilty by their assocation with my son. I knew how he acted was strange. He started becoming very distracted and unfocused until he started acting different at home, and losing his focus. He never fell behind before. He always made the honor roll.
So, he may not have made the honor roll. Big deal. But I knew, I couldn’t have him around people who were effecting the way he was acting, and could possiblty cause trouble. If he started having trouble in his last year of middle school, what would high school be like?
He already started having trouble with bullying in middle school. What would high school be like? What would peer pressure look like? Would he cave?
Would I have to worry about my son and his ADHD? My son whose impulses are sometimes out of control because of his ADHD? I didn’t want to find out.
So yeah. Call me an overprotective mom, if you would like to. I did what I thought was best.
My daughter experienced some trouble in elementary school. Not in the same ways my son did. However, it seemed beneficial to look for alternatives.
I did a ton of research for online schools vs. traditional homeschooling, and found an exceptional online school. After a month of deciding, as it wasn’t a decision made lightly, they were enrolled. We needed something different!
Starting school at home was not without its challenges. It took some time adapting to a routine. However, they are doing excellent. I am proud of them. Although it does consume my time, I love how rewarding it is to watch them grow and learn.
People look at us differently because of our decision to home-school. We feel like social pariahs because we stepped outside the accepted norm of society. Though our instructors are as qualitied and capable as the ones in public school, they are also certified by the state. Our school gives more freedom to your schedule of when you want to do school. Or if you want to work ahead. It allows for more creativity and free-thinking.
And again– the instructors are awesome. They don’t judge your children based on their appearance. Or go by favoritism. My children worked hard to earn the grades they have without worrying about if their teacher was having a good day, and was going to yell at them. Or complain about their job. Because they love teaching.
My daughter was so far behind in math when we came because she struggled. She was being ignored in public school, and not getting the help she needed. She is all caught up with math, and doesn’t mind the class with her instructors. If she learns at a faster rate, they will teach her at that rate.
So school is something good we have going for us..
Over the winter, I went through a major depression. I didn’t feel like doing anything aside from my normal routine, and hanging out with family. Family was great. Forget going outside. Seeing anyone. Talking to anyone. Writing anything. Why write anything? It’s going to sound dumb.
Anything I loved doing– I didn’t have the energy or willpower to do.
I hated how I looked in the mirror. I hated my reflection. Eat. Don’t eat. Sleep. Can’t sleep. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
Depression is awful. It makes you think things that aren’t true. Feel things you shouldn’t feel. What am I supposed to remember again? Crap! Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.
I didn’t have any thoughts of suicide, but some who battle depression do have those thoughts. If you have depression and have these thoughts please talk to someone– a counselor or the suicide hotline– 1-800-273-8255
More than 300 million people of all ages suffer from depression. So if you are one of the ones who suffer like I do, you are not alone. May is Mental Health Awareness month!