It may seem as though I abandoned my blog. It does look that way. Though appearances are often deceiving…
As much as I wanted to write, I had a series of catastrophes to deal with. First, my failing marriage– no surprise there. Second, health issues and testing– stalemate. Third, my children (my teenager and his issues) — home-school.
Situations aren’t as bad as they look on computer screen. With many prayers and compromises from both parties, my marriage is improving. Health issues are.. meh. It seems my situation stays same, which is disheartening. I am hoping my last specialist appointment will help uncover part of the mystery. And home-school.. I know! Wow!
So why did I decide on home-school?
Having a teenager is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life! They are so hard. I feel bad for EVERYTHING I put my mother through!!
My son isn’t a troublemaker. He wasn’t expelled. The school wasn’t helping him. They were holding him back in some ways, and he was falling behind in others. Our decision was based on the school and partly due to the crowd he was hanging out with. He never fell behind before. He always made the honor roll.
My daughter experienced some trouble in elementary school. It seemed beneficial to look for alternatives. I did a ton of research for online schools vs. traditional homeschooling, and found an exceptional online school. After a month of deciding, as it wasn’t a decision made lightly, they were enrolled. We needed something different!
Starting school at home was not without its challenges. We had to adapt to a routine. However, they are doing excellent. I am proud of them. Although it does consume my time, I love how rewarding it is to watch them grow and learn.
Over the winter, I went through a major depression. I didn’t feel like doing anything aside from my normal routine, and hanging out with family. Family was great. Forget going outside. Seeing anyone. Talking to anyone. Writing anything. Why write anything? It’s going to sound dumb.
Anything I loved doing– I didn’t have the energy or willpower to do.
I hated how I looked in the mirror. I hated my reflection. Eat. Don’t eat. Sleep. Can’t sleep. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
Depression is awful. It makes you think things that aren’t true. Feel things you shouldn’t feel. What am I supposed to remember again? Crap! Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.
I didn’t have any thoughts of suicide, but some who battle depression do. If you have depression and have these thoughts please talk to someone– a counselor or the suicide hotline– 1-800-273-8255
More than 300 million people of all ages suffer from depression. So if you are one of the ones who suffer like I do, you are not alone. May is Mental Health Awareness month!