Posted in Writing

Six-Word Story- Year 12

Her sadness became her greatest triumph.

~~ Year 12, Cold War

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Posted in Blogging

Visiting with Relatives

I missed being here last week!! My in-laws came in from the south like they every year. We spent a couple of days with them at a nearby amusement park, and had dinner. The rest of the week we made other plans, a trip with my mom, and an unavoidable appointment.

Our plans included meeting his mom and step-dad Friday at a local town celebration. They travel in for this particular celebration annually. My husband goes anywhere feeling like shit, and we never miss. That morning, he placed ALL the blame on me saying I was sick, which in the morning, I did have a migraine.

He omitted it was his fault we didn’t go. Even though it was HIS FAULT, as it was mine, he only succeeded in making me look bad. He laid around all day on the couch. I expected we would meet up with them later. No words were exchanged until late evening when an unintended guilt trip was laid in my lap.

“My mom is asking about you. She wants to know if you are better yet so we can go visit.”

“Why didn’t I know about this earlier? We could have went.”

“I didn’t want to go and you were doing other things.”

When no communication is passed between two people, it’s hard to make plans — let alone achieve what other people want you to do. I would have loved to visit them before they left. I have things here I wanted to give them.

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We made our plans for the week they came home the week of our beach trip. Not that parts of our trip wasn’t fun. The trip itself was stressful for us. None of us could handle the fighting. It’s not that we don’t love them…

We have learned.. Or rather I have learned a thing or two about his sister and how she really feels. He has only glimpsed an action or two. He may not acknowledge it fully–though I do. I see it.  I won’t allow myself or my children to be treated poorly. Or spoken down to. It’s time to speak up for ourselves. Or bite my tongue when necessary.

Last week was a busy, stressful week. It’s hard to find words when you are drained. Stressing, traveling, and fighting with my husband over behaviors– his behaviors— it steals any words or thoughts I had. My brain = mush.

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My favorite part of last week was the trip with my mom, kids, and husband. It was the least stressful. We traveled out to the country to meet relatives of my Nanny’s I haven’t seen since I was a child. It was her brother’s son and his family. During our visit, I heard so many stories about my Nanny and her brother! We had a wonderful time.

On a positive note, I have been speaking up more for myself. I’m at an age where I want some peace in my life. No more fighting. I’m not going to tolerate certain behaviors or ways people treat others. Including my marriage, I’m not stuck. I have been in this marriage for 11 years, and something will change.

 

More family posts from summer to come!

  • Edited to fix a couple errors. Sorry (perfectionist syndrome)

 

 

Posted in Poetry

A Caged Bird

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A Caged Bird.
LC © 2016

Do not marry him–
for he will crush your spirit,
and break your soul’s wings.
A colorful bird in a
cage with no song left to sing.
And no wings to soar.
You were made for better things.
Go! They wait for you.

Posted in Blogging

We Know the Drill.

I am living on caffeine. Coffee. Diet Pepsi. All day.

Since the kids went back to school last Wednesday– I am having a hard time adjusting to the routine. Last week, I thought I would start writing again. However, my mind was thick with cobwebs from not writing.

I couldn’t think.

Tired. Getting up early overloads my brain. Yes, I am whining a bit. Over summer we were lazy. Getting up later. Some late nights.

It seems like as soon as my head hits the damn pillow, the alarm is buzzing in my ears. And I want to lay there for ten more minutes. Girls need a few extra minutes.

I know if I did I would hear the griping from my husband. Every morning I hear clatter in the kitchen, and everyone is asking where I am. I have my own routine when I wake.

Lay there a minute while anticipating smashing the alarm. Turn it off. Put on a hoodie and socks because I am freezing. Grab the kids lunch. Check the laundry. Then, I am on my way.

The first week of school my husband was on vacation. Nothing good ever comes from this. What made it worse, he had a “man cold.” He laid around in the living room of all places– the “center” of it all. On the couch. With a blanket up to his nose. Whining about how he was feeling. Throwing tissues everywhere– he wasn’t picking them up. Watching stupid “guy” shows.

He was cranky. I couldn’t stand being in the same room. It isn’t quiet when he is home– especially when he is grumpy and finds things to pick arguments about. I choose happiness by staying out of the room.

The children, surprisingly, have adjusted to waking up early. My daughter is a little cranky, and  sassy. Her excuse– “Well, I hate mornings!” (Some people would agree?)

I thought my son would be the one giving me a hard time. But he hasn’t. It’s been my wee one. She is doing better this week.

They seem to like school. Although, my son had an issue to deal with, and he fixed it. Then, my daughter was sick yesterday. Her teacher felt her head saying she was hot, and sent her to the nurse– who did nothing, and sent her back to class.

That makes me mad! Seriously? Keeping an eye on that.

We had a wonderful summer. I don’t think it could have been better. We thoroughly enjoyed it!

I kept them reading over summer so my daughter’s reading level wasn’t low when she started school. My son will be learning Spanish and French this year so he knows what he wants to take next year in high school. We do French at home. I am happy he will have a head start!

I think it will be a great year for them. My fingers are crossed. Less I have to deal with.

Once the routine sets in a bit more, I think we have it all covered. Less sass. More with their chores, and practicing their instruments. And Mommy will be less sleepy too.. Coherent and ready to write!

We know the drill. Here is to another year in the books. My third and eighth grader!

 

Posted in Blogging, Life

Day 19: Writing Challenge

Day 19: Writing Challenge Discuss Your First Love

My Basis For Love–

When I was younger I was “in-love” with the idea of being “in-love.” I romanticized the perfect relationship. Prince charming would come swoop me away on his charming steed, and we would live happily ever after like in those fairy tales my mother read me. We would live in one of those extravagant houses with a picket fence instead of a moat– not realistic. Have a couple of children. Never fall out of love because the fire from the spark would never die. That doesn’t happen when you are made for each other!

I had a lot to learn.

First Relationship–

My first ever relationship was with my best friend up the street. We played in the woods with other neighborhood children, rode bikes, played video games, and spoke on the phone.

His mom wasn’t my biggest fan, but we still hung out a lot.

I remember it happening in one of those “do you like me” notes– Check “yes or no?”  I could have totally wrote the song. Except it didn’t end on a good note. We had an experimental relationship based on what we thought was love, and no at sixteen I wasn’t doing “that!”

I felt like I had to rescue him from drugs. In the end, he was a jerk that ended up cheating on me, which led to me meeting my first actual love, but we remained friends for a while. His mother sent him to live with his dad a state away.

It didn’t help him. 

First Real Relationship–

The relationship I had with my best friend up the street helped prepare me for my first actual relationship. I would have never met the guy if he wasn’t a cheating bastard. Not that I am thanking him for it because this relationship wouldn’t end well either. However, they were learning experiences to prepare me for the real thing.

I met this guy through a friend. Five years older– it was appealing. It meant he had life experiences I didn’t have. It made him interesting.

He met me with his friend at my bus stop one morning. Other kids were around. I know how creeper that sounds now. What guy goes to a bus stop to pick up chicks!?

No, my mother didn’t know. Obviously. 

We talked on the phone, a lot. What teenage girl doesn’t like to do that! It is the best way to get to know a person. Even though I was up at 3-4 am on the phone, I still went to school.

At first, he didn’t want to date me because of my age. Sensible. But then, I interrupted his plans. The first time we were supposed to hang out at the mall he was “sick,” I brought him something.

We were inseparable after that. He had problems. More problems than I had. But I gave him the best advice I could with teenager wisdom.

He was a mess. Into some bad things. Going down a bad path.

I felt like I should help. Eventually he cleaned his act up because I made him. He started working, and staying out of the bad stuff. Like drinking all the time. 

We started doing things with his family, and mine. His family accepted me, and it made it easy to help him. My family took him in also, and my grandmother loved him. For awhile, everything was peaceful.

He said he changed for me because he loved me.

But he had streaks of jealousy, he couldn’t trust. He didn’t have it in him. I couldn’t talk to anyone without him asking who I was talking to. He was paranoid about everything.

He said he was “screwed over too many times.” So automatically he assumed I would do the same. It was hard to talk to any of my friends without him there.

Couldn’t go anywhere alone. We worked together. So everywhere we went… we went together. 

Even though I felt like he was very much a part of me, I felt like he was isolating me. Like he had broken me in half. Yes, we had fun. We laughed. Had a great time. But the bad parts started to outweigh the good. 

I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Because there was no “me” anymore. There was just “us.”  I felt smothered. I couldn’t breathe. 

Sometimes he told me he had people “watching” me and “recording” stuff. Trying to catch me in lies I didn’t tell, and we would fight. I didn’t know until the end, but he was cheating on me with his sister’s friend.

And she was a bucket of nasty…

I did forgive him for it. He was sorry and we were together for almost five years. We broke up, and got back together a couple of times. But the last straw was after he cheated, and I said I was going to college. I needed to be free.

And he let me go.

I didn’t think it would ever happen. Because we always found a path back to each other. But it wasn’t meant to be.

I found out afterward that he was cheating on me near the very end. A woman was coming in bringing him lunch and they were “seeing” each other. He still has the gall to lie about it after he married her….

The Keeper–

I met “the keeper” three times over the course of my life, but I didn’t know he would mean so much to me then. Even now, it is surprising to me to think about how much we have grown over the years. How much we have endured.

If you sit back and think about your life, it is amazing how it works out. We met as children, as teenagers, and as people passing in a restaurant.

Before I met my husband, I was married and divorced. I was a single-mom. Alone for a year and a half when we met for our first date.

When he came into my life, he was a big-kid. Carefree. Responsibility wasn’t his thing. But he worked. He didn’t do drugs. Could leave the drinking. After my previous two relationships, the last two made the difference.

{I needed that. I tend to see the good in people, and the bad.. well. I try to help, and it was getting me into trouble. No, I never did anything bad myself. Just fell in love with some characters. I needed a good guy. }

When he picked me up at my door, I remember looking into his eyes. Like the ocean on a calm day. Though he was handsome, I didn’t care anything about that. He made me laugh. For being married and divorced, I was going for something different. I was looking beneath the surface. 

We would grow together over the years. Sometimes moving in the same direction. Other times apart. Though a constant force pushes us together– closer.  Love.

He isn’t always affectionate. Not like how others have shown affection in the past, but when he is I know he means it. I know his intentions. It flows from his heart.

Occasionally, I wish he could be more affectionate. But being the awesome wife I am, I forgive him for his absent-mindedness. Like he forgives me.

I don’t need to be smothered in affection to know he loves me. I find my needs are different as an adult than they were as a teenager. I’ve matured.

I don’t have to be groping him in public so everyone knows how much I love him. It’s cool. We both know. 

It is the little things that matter.

When I see him playing with our children being an awesome dad, my heart skips a beat. And I fall in love all over again. He is good with those things.

He is good at making me smile when I don’t want to. Especially when I am mad. Or if I am having a shitty day.

Because that is what love is. 

It isn’t always the touchy-feely. 

It is the feeling of someone close to you when you are sleeping. Waking up with them next to you, and feeling like you are home.  Until they pass gas… then you want to smother them.

It is being able to be yourself. Because they like you for who you are! In fact, they love you for it!

It is “you,” and “me,” and “us” too. It’s not just about “me” anymore. 

It is trusting someone with your heart. My husband allowed me to go to a funeral where he knew my ex would be. In doing this, he trusted me. My ex would have never allowed it.

Seeing my ex the last couple times, I knew I made the right choice. It only solidified the bond I have with my husband. I know the love Jer and I share is a different kind of love. The best kind. The forever kind. 

I don’t need an extravagant house or a picket fence to be happy. Even though a moat would be kinda neat. Just having each other and the kids makes me happy.

Love is falling in and out of love with the same person many times. I have learned this over the course of my marriage, and each time our relationship becomes more intense as we learn more about each other, and grow in ways I didn’t know was possible.

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Posted in Blogging, Poetry

For Jeremy– Jackass

SONY DSC
SONY DSC

Jackass
© LC 2016

Like a raging storm–
threatening to send her crashing.
he was a sea of anger,
his words echoing like thunder–
falling on deaf ears.

Inspired by an argument my husband and I had this morning. I didn’t have a title for it, and so he said to name it “Jackass.”

You can tell who was at fault, right?

Photo Credit

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 13: Writing Challenge

Day 13: Writing Challenge What are you most excited about?

Another easy one! After this week, I am tempted to say the weekend! Taking a long-term view– I will say vacation!


As a child, I never went on vacation. We tried to go to the beach one year. The weather had other ideas as it usually does when you make plans in advance.

The sky dark as coal. Ominous. Heavy rain. The trees blowing back and forth like puppets in the wind. We couldn’t go to the beach.

I don’t remember many details from my childhood, however, certain ones stand out. Swimming in the hotel pool with my dad. Grabbing pails of Kentucky Fried Chicken with extra gravy in the rain (dad’s favorite). Falling asleep with gum in my hair.

Riding down in cab of my dad’s red and silver Ford truck was the best part of the trip for me. It was fun. They laid a mattress in the back for me, and I listened to music and sang with my cassette player. I talked to them through the window. It was a beautiful trip– until we arrived.

That was first grade.


When I was nine my parents asked me to choose between a pool or a trip to Florida. It was my choice. What would I like better?

I picked the pool because it would last longer than a vacation. A year later my dad passed away. They were planning the vacation as a surprise, but with mom being newly widowed we never went.

After dad passed, we traveled a little. Trips to visit family in other states, but not vacation.

As an adult, I have never went on vacation. Little trips with my husband for car shows, but not vacation.

As for my children, they haven’t been on vacation– yet.

This year– the whole family goes on vacation! Should be fun. We are going to Outer Banks, NC!

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When I say the whole family goes, it really is the whole family. All my in-laws are going: my mother and father in-law, both of my sister-in-laws with their significant others, and their sons. We are looking forward to spending time with them as we never have any quality time together with living in other states.

The only thing bothering me a little is the probability for drama. Living close quarters with anyone for a week, it will happen. Being the kinda person I am when it comes to stressful situations, I am already thinking about ways I will tune out. “See you guys! I’ll be down on the beach!”

Unless it is my crew.  That possibility also has crossed my mind. I think the kids will be good. The beach will be someplace new to explore, and have adventures.

If not, I’ll bury them in the sand. “Teach you little twerps to misbehave on vacation! “I will be nice though and will give you some sunblock, and water.”

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I didn’t want to go to the beach. I wasn’t looking forward to it because of the possibility of drama. I don’t like it when people argue, and a lot of us are going. That many people jammed into a house can’t be good. Right?

As the months have passed, I find my perspective has changed. I can’t think of all the bad things that could happen. They might not happen at all. Things could be fine. But I will never know if I don’t go. I hate anxiety!

And we need a vacation! To get away from everything even if it’s only a little while. I am sure you can relate. Things pile up and eat away at you. A break is nice!

I look forward to spending time with our family, having fun, and the beautiful scenery. I will enjoy every minute. Hopefully with no rain this time!

Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 11: Writing Challenge

Day 11: Writing Challenge– Something You Always Think What If About

The What-IF Trap–

When I was younger, I entertained the what-if’s in my life.

What-if I stayed with this person? What-if I developed a backbone before it affected my academic career in high school?

What-if my father hadn’t passed away when I was ten?

Truthfully, it is dangerous to think in “What-If’s.” It is a trap!

It’s like living in a fairy tale world of what could have been instead of what is now. Any time you do that, you have blinders on. Unable to see the good things happening around you.

This line of thought only serves to make you miserable. It is a waste of your time, and efforts. What could you be doing instead? 

I like to think everything happens for a reason.

Dealing with My What-If’s–

Everything in life serves to make you stronger. Who you are. I have learned this the hard way through life experiences.

I wasn’t always the person I am now. As we grow older, we change and grow. We don’t understand things when they happen to us. I still don’t.

I can see some as beneficial.

I see the rose-colored glasses. I believe the best in people. It’s who I am. It could be why I was bullied in school. I was raised differently at home with certain values, and to treat people respectfully.

Maybe they weren’t. 

I didn’t stick up for myself. Didn’t have enough courage. None of my friends would stand with me save for one.

Even though I went through this terrible experience with bullying, I am much stronger from it now. I learned who my friends were. I learned to rely more upon myself.

I picked myself up off the ground from a divorce, and went to college. (Before I met my current husband), I supported my son for two years, worked, and went to school. I have two degrees, and 80 % of a third.

It’s something I am proud of because this is the girl who let bullies push her out of school. Took her GED and passed the same day. Wooot!

If I hadn’t my life may be different, however, I might not have learned as much as I have from this experience.

Like my bad choices in relationships, I have had enough of them to last a lifetime. I used to wonder if I made the right choices in leaving/staying. Now that I’m older, I know that I have. I am happier where I am. 

Learning experiences!

It’s easy to look back and romanticize certain aspects of relationships when things aren’t going well in the present with current relationships. Even though things were horrible in past relationships. It’s not that you miss the person. You miss certain things you did.

It became easy to disconnect the “what-if I stayed with that person link” by doing certain things with my current parter. The affection, attention, and communication should be there anyway.

A relationship is what you make it. Like a car, it needs maintenance.

Relationships are important. Especially with family. I often wonder if my family would be happier if my dad were still alive. He passed in 1992.

Honestly, I see no reason behind his passing. With Nanny, I can say she was ready. She was old. With dad, he was 55. He died of a heart-attack in the middle of the night.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. Even if I try to forget it, I don’t think I could. It replays like a record. Because it was a traumatic experience, it has stuck with me.

It is hard to watch the decline of a family, but it continues even after 24 years. He was the adhesive holding us all together. Now we all fall apart. Go our own ways.

Everything Happens For A Reason–

Sometimes, “Everything Happens for a Reason” sounds like a cop-out. I will agree with that. In some situations, it doesn’t apply. Like when someone passes. It is shit. Not what a person wants to hear.

“I am sorry. Everything happens for a reason.” Sorry. No…

However, in other situations, events can happen for a specific purpose. To make you a stronger, better person. To help you deal with whatever it is you are going through. To help you navigate what is coming next!

For example: In 2012, I was diagnosed with both Sjogren’s Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. One is an autoimmune disease and the other is a chronic pain disorder.

At first, I was angry. Mad at the world! I went through stages of grief. I didn’t think I would ever be the same again!

Then, my outlook changed. Yes, I have these things, BUT they don’t have me. They won’t ever have me. I am going to wake up everyday, and give them the fight of their life. I will never surrender my body.

Since my diagnosis, I have a greater appreciation for people in my life. I try to let them know how much I care, and I love them. I try not to take anything for granted.

I have become more spiritual, and know I need God. I can honestly say without him.I may be in worse condition. 

They thought I had breast cancer. I didn’t. They thought I had lymphoma. I didn’t. I owe him everything. He is amazing! 

Though I would never push my  spiritual beliefs over on anyone, I don’t work like that. But I gotta say I believe in God, and the miracles he does. I am one! 

I do believe I was diagnosed with this disease, and condition for a purpose. I am not going to lie– it isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge some days. I think I am here to help those who are struggling.

I will never give up! It’s better to be positive. The negative will eat away your soul.

Living in the Now

Now that I am older, I realize living in the now is important. It is healthier.

It is alright to reminisce. Just not live there.

So I try not think with my blinders on anymore. Of “What-if’s” and would could have happened then?

Living in the present has enough worries of its own!

 

Food For Thought

“Every choice in life sets us on a different path and carries its own set of “what ifs” and consequences that we could worry about, but what’s the use? Rather than plaguing our thoughts with the unknown, we should focus on and accept only what we do know – and all we know is the path we’re currently on.”
― A.J. Darkholme

“Live your life without ever having to ask, ‘What if?”
― Ken Poirot

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
― George Harrison

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”
― Shannon L. Alder

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Posted in Poetry

Saturday Afternoons

Saturday Afternoons.
©LC 2016

Cursing profusely–
the job is complete. Working
on cars. Grumpy Men.

Inspired by my husband working on his car on Saturdays. He is working on a transmission swap. I couldn’t do what he does, but somehow he knows where everything goes.

Posted in Blogging, Writing

DAY TEN- Writing Challenge

Day TEN- Something I Feel Strongly About.


Being the passionate person I am I have a number of things I feel strongly about.

I could easily pick any number of them. Politics these days seem to make a multitude of people rage! Religion. Which easily upsets another group (God–Gotta have him?). Guns? (Gotta have em.)

Issues dividing people: hate, lack of respect, racism, ageism. Judging each other.

Or negative stigmas associated with depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disease. Just because you cannot see it and it isn’t happening directly to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You may not understand it, however, that person is battling something bigger that your perceptions of them. 

Today with everything I am struggling with raising a teenager– I have elected to choose Divorce. I know not everyone will agree with how I feel about it, and it is okay. We all have our own experiences making us who we are. 


As a child, my head was buried in the clouds. I lived and breathed make-believe. My imagination ran wild. My parents loved me and never missed an opportunity to show me. Even when it came to making me wear an awful shirt the first day of school cos “I looked so pretty.” (Thanks Mom!)

They loved one another. Joked with one another. Shared everything with one another. I never saw them argue. My basis on marriage was predicated from watching them. I dreamed of what my life would look like when I grew up. I wanted my life to look like theirs.

My childhood was nothing like my adolescence. Crumbling apart like the first piece of pie. Dad slipping away. After years of marriage, mom was alone. And she was sad. So very sad. Grief stricken.

My first marriage in no way resembled theirs. In all my years of dreaming, it couldn’t have been more opposite of my parents. Now I wonder if I ever knew him at all? Who was he behind those dark eyes, and the same deceptive smile I see in my boy?

Growing up the way I was raised, I wanted to believe the best in people. I believed I could change him. When I met him, he lived with his grandparents. He was helping his grandfather and former Marine, who had Cancer. He seemed reformed enough, and good enough– at the time.

I learned quickly you cannot change a person. You can only love them and hope they change. If a person doesn’t truly want to change, they won’t. It has to come from the heart. They have to have a reason to want to, and sometimes even their family isn’t enough.

After we were out on our own, he quickly started making contacts with people. Learning where “people of interest” lived, and making friends with them. We both were working. I didn’t know where which end began and the other ended sometimes. But it didn’t matter, we still couldn’t make ends meet!

I thought if anything would change him the arrival of our son would. Payday would come, and go. I would have to go pick up the paycheck, and deposit it myself. Unfortunately, in those days, he could go ATM hopping– withdrawing money. Thankfully, I had help.

I could never tell if he was lying to me. After awhile, his words and fake promises meant nothing. He kept getting caught in his web of lies, and the list of people he owed became too long. He refused help.

It is devastating to stand back, and watch your family fall apart. I never believed in divorce. I never wanted that for my family. It has lasting effects on the children.

We spent seven years watching him go back and forth. Not always having a good place to stay. Flea bites. Among other issues in communication. Drama. Power struggles with the step-mom. She wanted to be in charge.

We spent seven years building a case while his father went thirteen grand in arrears.Four years ago, he signed him over. Two years before, my son decided he didn’t want to go anymore. He was uncomfortable there. He didn’t feel like he was home. They were squatting. 

Over the years, we have had problems with my son. You name them we have had them. Oppositional Defiant. Bipolar. Anxiety. Depression. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He has been “labeled.”

Since making the break from his father and the negative influences, he has dropped most of these labels. We do not have the massive amount of trouble we had in the past. Just the normal stuff.

His grades and attitude in school have improved significantly. 

If anything the initial split had its negative impact and then after his split, its positive impact. You would think, right?

Only my son won’t accept his dad. My husband has proved himself in every way to my son. He asks to spend time with him– only to be pushed aside like trash. If he is forced to, he will. Cooly.

When he becomes angry–who is the first person he takes his anger out on? His dad. Oh, it makes me so upset. He works hard for us, and adopted my son. He has been here for him since he was four years old. He seems to appreciate none of it.

If he has a project at school– who is the first person he asks to help him with it? His dad. He can treat him like crap, but when he needs help it’s a different story. Or if his dad is playing a game, he wants to play, too!

He is respectful of his dad. He doesn’t like how his dad calls him out on his bull. He does it a lot, and it makes my son upset. I think it is why he gives him such a harsh rep.

My son doesn’t say much about his father. He prefers not to talk about him. He has bad feelings and memories about going places they went, and staying there. He did like it when he was actually a “dad” and not acting like an “outlaw” poaching deer out the back of his truck.

I think he becomes conflicted with his feelings because he does miss his father’s family. Just not his father.

Having my husband has been a good experience for him.

But he acts so much like his father and it gets him into trouble. The face of deception. The tongue of lies. He doesn’t know when to quit. He believes his own lies. 

I worry about him so much. I wonder if we broke him out of there in time before his father’s influence penetrated to the depths of his very young soul. I don’t want to believe the damage has been done as surely some has been reversible.

If he could quit lying…


I must confess my second marriage almost ended in divorce like the first. Because we both wanted our marriage to work, we worked to piece the broken pieces back together. Are we anything like my parents? I think we are in some ways.

He helps me be more realistic. I help him dream more.

I am happy we stayed together. As it has greatly benefited not only us making our marriage stronger, but it has also made our children happy. I didn’t want our family to be broken.


As a previously divorced person, I honestly believe divorce is not only hard on you but it is also hard on the child. If there are extreme circumstances, I know it can be unavoidable. In my situation, I couldn’t stay married to an addict.

Do I regret it? Some days I do. Honestly. I feel like I could have watched over him because I could have been there. I know I wouldn’t have been happy. We would have been broke. But I could have had more control.

 

It is so easy to throw a person away if we aren’t happy with them. Each person holds a treasure inside of them. You can’t find it if you aren’t getting to know them properly, and that takes looking up from your phone. Take your time. Get to know a person. 

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