Making a playlist. These songs are stuck in my head so they are first…
I’ll figure out the rest as the day goes…
*Revised to fix flow of poem and word choice.
She closes her eyes
feeling the breeze on her face.
Places both hands on
her door, happily. She smiles
carefree. Like nothing matters.
Maybe it doesn’t.
It’s a sunny day.
The windows are down.
Our family is together–
that is all we need.
My daughter inspired this poem! Turned around and instantly started smiling. Occasionally, I still place my head out of the window feeling the air on my face. I enjoy feeling the breeze through my hair and closing my eyes with the sun warm on my face. She reminded me I need to do it more often. Instead of being caught up with “adulting.”
It may seem as though I abandoned my blog. It does look that way. Though appearances are often deceiving…
As much as I wanted to write, I had a series of catastrophes to deal with. First, my failing marriage– no surprise there. Second, health issues and testing– stalemate. Third, my children (my teenager and his issues) — home-school.
Situations aren’t as bad as they look on computer screen. With many prayers and compromises from both parties, my marriage is improving. Health issues are.. meh. It seems my situation stays same, which is disheartening. I am hoping my last specialist appointment will help uncover part of the mystery. And home-school.. I know! Wow!
So why did I decide on home-school?
Having a teenager is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life! They are so hard. I feel bad for EVERYTHING I put my mother through!!
My son isn’t a troublemaker. He wasn’t expelled. The school wasn’t helping him. They were holding him back in some ways, and he was falling behind in others. Our decision was based on the school and partly due to the crowd he was hanging out with. He never fell behind before. He always made the honor roll.
My daughter experienced some trouble in elementary school. It seemed beneficial to look for alternatives. I did a ton of research for online schools vs. traditional homeschooling, and found an exceptional online school. After a month of deciding, as it wasn’t a decision made lightly, they were enrolled. We needed something different!
Starting school at home was not without its challenges. We had to adapt to a routine. However, they are doing excellent. I am proud of them. Although it does consume my time, I love how rewarding it is to watch them grow and learn.
Over the winter, I went through a major depression. I didn’t feel like doing anything aside from my normal routine, and hanging out with family. Family was great. Forget going outside. Seeing anyone. Talking to anyone. Writing anything. Why write anything? It’s going to sound dumb.
Anything I loved doing– I didn’t have the energy or willpower to do.
I hated how I looked in the mirror. I hated my reflection. Eat. Don’t eat. Sleep. Can’t sleep. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
Depression is awful. It makes you think things that aren’t true. Feel things you shouldn’t feel. What am I supposed to remember again? Crap! Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.
I didn’t have any thoughts of suicide, but some who battle depression do. If you have depression and have these thoughts please talk to someone– a counselor or the suicide hotline– 1-800-273-8255
More than 300 million people of all ages suffer from depression. So if you are one of the ones who suffer like I do, you are not alone. May is Mental Health Awareness month!
Depression is a
dark cloud over my head, lurking.
Like I created
my own personal
monsoon. If only I had
energy to blast
the rain from capturing my
soul- a rainbow would
appear in the sky.
People cannot change.
We try controlling
our own destiny.
But when fate comes knocking–
She plays tricks on relationships.
‘Causes collateral damage.
People try morphing
into who they aren’t meant to be
to placate others
for happiness and harmony.
It lasts for a while
until it fades away–
because people do not change.
Love is war–
words that sting.
And fights damage,
your heart and soul.
It is like surgery–
gathering torn shreds
of broken shrapnel.
Fixing the mess
lying before you.
As the blood seeps,
through gory fingers.
Refusing to skip
a beat– BOOM-BOOM!
Yes, you will love, again.
Do not marry him–
for he will crush your spirit,
and break your soul’s wings.
A colorful bird in a
cage with no song left to sing.
And no wings to soar.
You were made for better things.
Go! They wait for you.