Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 20: Writing Challenge

Day 20: Writing Challenge–  FIVE Celebrity Crushes

ONE (tie) – Chris and Liam Hemsworth– The Hemsworth brothers, or at least two of them, top my list. Their older brother Luke also does some acting. Sounds like growing up at the Hemsworth’s may have been entertaining. Not only do good looks run in the family, but also they are blessed as talented actors.

Favorite re-occurring role played by Chris– Thor.
Favorite movies– Thor, Star Trek, Snow White and The Huntsman, Avengers
New/Upcoming Movies– The Huntsman Winter’s War, Ghostbusters, Thor: Ragnarok, Avengers: Infinity War Part One

Favorite re-occurring role played by Liam– Gale- The Hunger Games Trilogy
Favorite movies– Hunger Games Trilogy, Expendables 2, The Last Song, Love and Honor
Upcoming Movie– Independence Day: Resurgence (Prerequisite- Independence Day) 

Interesting Tidbits- Chris is a known family manLiam is known for his ongoing relationship with Miley Cyrus. What does he see in her?  We may never know. Oh well, we don’t have to like her. He does!

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TWO- Ian Somerholder– Best known for his roles on Vampire Diaries, and Lost. I didn’t follow Lost. However, I fell in love with him as “Damon” on Vampire Diaries. Who doesn’t root for the bad boy, and his chance at redemption?

Favorite re-occurring role– Damon- Vampire Diaries
Favorite Movies– Wake
Haven’t Seen-  The Anomaly

Interesting tidbits- Ian is passionate about the environment, and started his own foundation in 2010. Previouly dated former Vampire Diaries co-star Nina Dobrev for three years, but she wasn’t ready for a serious commitment. The relationship gradually tapered off after his wedding proposal. He started dating and later married Nikki Reed.

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THREE- Sam Heughan– Known for donning a kilt and his mesmerizing Irish accent on Outlander.

Favorite re-occurring role–  James Fraser- Outlander
Haven’t seen– Emulsion
Upcoming Movie– When the Starlight Ends

Interesting tidbits– Sam grew up on the grounds of an old castle in Scotland, traveled a ton, and says he and his brother was named after Lord of the Rings characters.

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FOUR- (Christopher Catesby) Kit Harington– Ahhh, Jon Snow! If you follow Game of Thrones, you recognize Kit as the former Lord Commander of the Knight’s Watch.  Dark, troubled eyes. The brooding look. Pouty lips. I wonder how long he can keep going at that rate. He needs to believe in himself again.

Favorite re-occurring role– Jon Snow- Game of Thrones
Favorite Movies– Pompeii, How to Train Your Dragon Two (Eret), and the Seventh Son
Upcoming Movie- Brimstone

Interesting tidbits– Kit fell in-love with his former co-star Rose Leslie who played Ygritte. He is named after 16th century British playwright and poet Christopher Marlowe, and prefers his name shortened. Through his paternal grandmother, Lavender Cecilia Denny, Kit’s eight times great-grandfather was King Charles II of England.

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FIVE- Alexander Skarsgard- I became familiar with Alexander the summer of True Blood. Though I didn’t follow the series to completion. It seemed to have lost its touch after the “Lilith” thing.  Again, he played the bad boy, and I was rooting for him. I still like Eric better than Bill.

Favorite re-occurring role– Eric- True Blood
Favorite movies- Battleship and the Giver
Upcoming movie- The Legend of Tarzan

Interesting Tidbits– Alexander is 6’4. He served in Sweden’s Royal Navy as a teen before continuing his education, and pursing his acting career.

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Honorable Mentions—

Torrance Combs– I know him from Bash on Reign. Not a lot of filmography. I am looking forward to his upcoming TV Series Still Star-Crossed where he portrays Count Paris. We won’t see him on Reign as much, however, I wish him the best of luck with his new show!

Joe Manganiello– Another True-Blood cast member! Joe played as Alcide. I learned he is native to my area, and likes our sports teams. I love hearing about actors from home making it out there pursing their passion. Acting is a hard career and though many have the same dreams– they don’t always come true for everyone.

Joe also played as Flash Thompson in Spiderman, Magic Mike, and is currently the voice of Hefty in the filming of the new Smurfs: The Lost Village.

Jensen Ackles– Four words– Eye of the Tiger

Max Irons– I loved Max as Henry in the White Queen. He also starred in Red Riding Hood, and the Host, which I thought were good movies.

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Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 19: Writing Challenge

Day 19: Writing Challenge Discuss Your First Love

My Basis For Love–

When I was younger I was “in-love” with the idea of being “in-love.” I romanticized the perfect relationship. Prince charming would come swoop me away on his charming steed, and we would live happily ever after like in those fairy tales my mother read me. We would live in one of those extravagant houses with a picket fence instead of a moat– not realistic. Have a couple of children. Never fall out of love because the fire from the spark would never die. That doesn’t happen when you are made for each other!

I had a lot to learn.

First Relationship–

My first ever relationship was with my best friend up the street. We played in the woods with other neighborhood children, rode bikes, played video games, and spoke on the phone.

His mom wasn’t my biggest fan, but we still hung out a lot.

I remember it happening in one of those “do you like me” notes– Check “yes or no?”  I could have totally wrote the song. Except it didn’t end on a good note. We had an experimental relationship based on what we thought was love, and no at sixteen I wasn’t doing “that!”

I felt like I had to rescue him from drugs. In the end, he was a jerk that ended up cheating on me, which led to me meeting my first actual love, but we remained friends for a while. His mother sent him to live with his dad a state away.

It didn’t help him. 

First Real Relationship–

The relationship I had with my best friend up the street helped prepare me for my first actual relationship. I would have never met the guy if he wasn’t a cheating bastard. Not that I am thanking him for it because this relationship wouldn’t end well either. However, they were learning experiences to prepare me for the real thing.

I met this guy through a friend. Five years older– it was appealing. It meant he had life experiences I didn’t have. It made him interesting.

He met me with his friend at my bus stop one morning. Other kids were around. I know how creeper that sounds now. What guy goes to a bus stop to pick up chicks!?

No, my mother didn’t know. Obviously. 

We talked on the phone, a lot. What teenage girl doesn’t like to do that! It is the best way to get to know a person. Even though I was up at 3-4 am on the phone, I still went to school.

At first, he didn’t want to date me because of my age. Sensible. But then, I interrupted his plans. When he canceled on me the first time we were supposed to hang out because he was “sick,’ I brought him something from the mall.

We were inseparable after that. He had problems. More problems than I had. But I gave him the best advice I could with teenager wisdom.

He was a mess. Into some bad things. Going down a bad path.

I felt like I should help. Eventually he cleaned his act up because I made him. He started working, and staying out of the bad stuff. Like drinking all the time. 

We started doing things with his family, and mine. His family accepted me, and it made it easy to help him. My family took him in also, and my grandmother loved him. For awhile, everything was peaceful.

But he had streaks of jealousy, he couldn’t trust. He didn’t have it in him. I couldn’t talk to anyone without him asking who I was talking to. He was paranoid about everything.

He said he was “screwed over too many times.” So automatically he assumed I would do the same. It was hard to talk to any of my friends without him there.

Couldn’t go anywhere alone. We worked together. So everywhere we went… we went together. 

Even though I felt like he was very much a part of me, I felt like he was isolating me. Like he had broken me in half. Yes, we had fun. We laughed. Had a great time. But the bad parts started to outweigh the good. 

I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Because there was no “me” anymore. There was just “us.”  I felt smothered. I couldn’t breathe. 

Sometimes he told me he had people “watching” me and “recording” stuff. Trying to catch me in lies I didn’t tell, and we would fight. I didn’t know until the end, but he was cheating on me with his sister’s friend.

And she was a bucket of nasty…

I did forgive him for it. He was sorry and we were together for almost five years. We broke up, and got back together a couple of times. But the last time was when he after he cheated, and I said I was going to college. I needed to be free.

And he let me go.

I didn’t think it would ever happen. Because we always found a path back to each other. But it wasn’t meant to be.

The Keeper–

I met “the keeper” three times over the course of my life, but I didn’t know he would mean so much to me then. Even now, it is surprising to me to think about how much we have grown over the years. How much we have endured.

If you sit back and think about your life, it is amazing how it works out. We met as children, as teenagers, and as people passing in a restaurant.

Before I met my husband, I was married and divorced. I was a single-mom. Alone for a year and a half when we met for our first date.

When he came into my life, he was a big-kid. Carefree. Responsibility wasn’t his thing. But he worked. He didn’t do drugs. Could leave the drinking. After my previous two relationships, the last two made the difference.

{I needed that. I tend to see the good in people, and the bad.. well. I try to help, and it was getting me into trouble. No, I never did anything bad myself. Just fell in love with some characters. I needed a good guy. }

When he picked me up at my door, I remember looking into his eyes. Like the ocean on a calm day. Though he was handsome, I didn’t care anything about that. He made me laugh. For being married and divorced, I was going for something different. I was looking beneath the surface. 

We would grow together over the years. Sometimes moving in the same direction. Other times apart. Though a constant force pushes us together– closer.  Love.

He isn’t always affectionate. Not like how others have shown affection in the past, but when he is I know he means it. I know his intentions. It flows from his heart.

Occasionally, I wish he could be more affectionate. But being the awesome wife I am, I forgive him for his absent-mindedness. Like he forgives me.

I don’t need to be smothered in affection to know he loves me. I find my needs are different as an adult than they were as a teenager. I’ve matured.

I don’t have to be groping him in public so everyone knows how much I love him. It’s cool. We both know. 

It is the little things that matter.

When I see him playing with our children being an awesome dad, my heart skips a beat. And I fall in love all over again. He is good with those things.

He is good at making me smile when I don’t want to. Especially when I am mad. Or if I am having a shitty day.

Because that is what love is. 

It isn’t always the touchy-feely. 

It is the feeling of someone close to you when you are sleeping. Waking up with them next to you, and feeling like you are home.  Until they pass gas… then you want to smother them.

It is being able to be yourself. Because they like you for who you are! In fact, they love you for it!

It is “you,” and “me,” and “us” too. It’s not just about “me” anymore. 

It is trusting someone with your heart. My husband allowed me to go to a funeral where he knew my ex would be. In doing this, he trusted me. My ex would have never allowed it.

Seeing my ex the last couple times, I knew I made the right choice. It only solidified the bond I have with my husband. I know the love Jer and I share is a different kind of love. The best kind. The forever kind. 

I don’t need an extravagant house or a picket fence to be happy. Even though a moat would be kinda neat. Just having each other and the kids makes me happy.

Love is falling in and out of love with the same person many times. I have learned this over the course of my marriage, and each time our relationship becomes more intense as we learn more about each other, and grow in ways I didn’t know was possible.

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Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 18: Writing Challenge

Day 18: Writing Challenge– 30 Facts About Yourself


Already overthinking this one as I am sure it is meant to be simple, and fun!

  1. I love to sing. Don’t look for me on the next American Idol. I am probably not that good. However, I like to think I am when I sing.
  2. I whistle when I am doing chores. Not because I think I am Snow White commanding birds, and forest animals. Even though that would be cool. It became a habit sticking with me after dad passed away. Reminding me of him, he whistled a lot.
  3. I like to clean. When I am stressed, it calms me. Weird I know, but I stress clean.
  4. I have a hard time sticking to a set schedule. I hate doing the same thing all the time. It’s nice to switch things up when life becomes monotonous.
  5. I was the first one to pass my driver’s test (out of my group of friends). The first one to parallel park that day. You wouldn’t know it later by looking at my first car. She was banged up a bit.
  6. I don’t drink. I don’t think it’s fun. It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me sick, and I don’t like the taste. Blah!
  7. I French on my father’s side. My ancestors came over on the boat. Fighting in wars. Made their home here. I took three years of French in school, and remember some of it. Now I am trying to teach my kids. We know how to count. How to say some phrases–like “Hello!” It is fun!
  8. I love to read. When I can find time. Anymore I rather read than watch a movie.
  9. Games and DVD’s are alphabetized. Makes them easier to find. I might be a little OCD about it. 
  10. I don’t care about being in style. I buy whatever I feel like buying, and throw it together. I have my own style. It is called, “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
  11. I am organized with some things. Other things, I am not. I put things in that magical “safe place.” I might find it later. Maybe not. My e-mail folder. Yikes– 1,200 messages.
  12. I hate cooking. I never learned how. Touching raw stuff freaks me out, then I am sanitizing all the counters, and the sinks. I know this isn’t normal. Ha!
  13. I love baking. Have been told I am an “awesome baker,” I inherited it from my Nanny. I can make a pretty mean pie. Cookies. Brownies. I am getting hungry now.. Nom Nom Nom.
  14. I am not a fan of fast food. Upset stomach. But I have never met a french fry I didn’t like.
  15. I don’t call other people bad words often. Hearing my husband do it annoys me. It isn’t I don’t think they are acting bad enough to be called those things, it just sounds harsh. If they are acting bad enough to annoy you in such a way, why bother with them? How can you solve the problem without letting it bother you on such a level?
  16. I like helping people. If I can, I will help others. I think we all can help each other somehow. Whether it’s a kind word. A smile. It’s the littlest things that make another person’s day.
  17. I am a good listener. I often try helping people with their problems, and offer advice. If they ask. I am not going to butt in. Unless it is family, and then I will butt in. My brothers can be total boneheads!
  18. I hate bulling. I think it is awful to watch children suffer at the hands of their classmates. Some schools are putting polices in place to thwart bullying while others stand by, and watch–  doing nothing.
  19. I love Psychology. Studied it in college. Fell in love.
  20. I hate musicals. But I love music.
  21. I am socially awkward. It is uncomfortable being around people you don’t know. However, once I know someone I find it easy to make people laugh.
  22. I would love to travel. My soul longs for places I have never visited.
  23. I love history. I find history interesting. Always have. I look around and wonder who was here before me, and what motivated their actions. I look at the roads, and wonder who walked them before me. I feel connected when learning about them.
  24. I have a hard time sitting still. Focus!
  25. I have allergies. My allergies have allergies. I am allergic to my dog. But I love him regardless. He is too cute not to love!
  26. I believe everything happens for a reason. Even if we may not know why.
  27. Best days of my life was when I became a mother, and got married.
  28. My husband and I met three times before we ever considered each other romantically. We met as children. His mother is friends with my sister so she brought him to our house with his sisters. I didn’t like him so I stole all his guys on Super Mario Bros. Again, when I dated his best friend in high school. I didn’t like him then either. Then, we randomly crossed paths after I had my son. Our first date didn’t happen for another two years. 
  29. I love quotes. If we want to become wise and learn anything, I believe we should consider the words of those before us. Those on the same paths.
  30. I have a disease no one can pronounce. I don’t let it hold me back. I don’t use it as a crutch. I take the bad with the good, and I live! I might have it, but it will never have me!

An hour later, I am done! That wasn’t so bad!

I tried NOT to state the obvious– I love poetry, coffee, and hate Mondays, as that can found from poking around the site. .


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Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 17: Writing Challenge

Day 17: Writing Challenge– Post about your zodiac sign. Whether or not it fits you.


Zodiac Signs. Fun!

When I was younger, I believed in the zodiac. I had tarot cards. It was fun to believe in something other than my faith.

I needed to know what would happen. I was a love struck teenager!

Now I’m older and think they can be fun. They aren’t meant to live your life by.

However, imagine if a person did! What an adventure.


I am a Scorpio 

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Scorpios concern themselves with beginnings and endings, and are unafraid of either; they also travel in a world that is black and white and has little use for gray.

I like beginnings and endings. They are beautiful. I find them fascinating. I paint my world with gray. Nothing is ever black and white.

The curiosity of Scorpios is immeasurable, which may be why they are such adept investigators. These folks love to probe and know how to get to the bottom of things. The fact that they have a keen sense of intuition certainly helps.

I am curious. I like learning new things. When I don’t know something, I do investigate. My investigative skills have helped me a time or two, and my intuition provides hunches. 

The Scorpion symbolizes Scorpio, and that is no accident. Much like the Scorpion would rather kill itself than be killed, those born under this sign are in ultimate control of their destiny. It is life on the Scorpion’s terms, too, since these folks promote their agenda (they are quite the executives) and see to it that things go forward

No, sadly I have no control over my destiny. That is all up to God. He leads my steps. Do I believe in destiny. Yes. Promoting my own agenda? Eh. When I am passionate about something. Maybe. 

Others may find this overbearing (it can be) and even self-destructive, but that’s the beauty of the Scorpio: they have tremendous regenerative powers, much like the literal Scorpion can lose its tail and promptly grow a new one. Fearless Scorpios rarely lose; they just keep on going, since they are stubborn and determined to succeed (this Scorpio trait is in keeping with the Fixed Quality assigned to this sign).

Yes, I am very stubborn, and determined. Rarely lose? Well, who is keeping track of that!!?? I can be competitive, but I am the first to admit when I suck at something. Do I keep going? Yes.

Scorpios work as hard as they do so they can someday sit back and feel satisfied with themselves. These folks are intense, passionate and filled with desire. They’re also complex and secretive, so don’t expect to get much out of them, lest they become suspicious and exit stage left. It’s best not to bet against Scorpios, either, since these folks are surprisingly resourceful.

Yes, I consider myself a hard-worker. I like to have my work done so I can sit back and relax. Do what I like doing. Writing or playing with the kids. That is the stuff I rather be doing than work. I can be pretty intense and passionate.. filled with desire. I have been told I am complex. Maybe a little secretive. Proven to be resourceful. 

Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto. Mars was the God of War in ancient Roman mythology and is the first (and most ancient) ruler of Scorpio. When Pluto was discovered in the 20th century, it was also assigned to this sign. Pluto was known as the God of the Underworld in ancient Roman times, so when coupled with Mars, expect some intense energy to head toward Scorpions here on Earth. This planetary combo makes for people who are motivated, penetrating and aware. Scorpions don’t miss much, since they are highly attuned to the vibrations of others. They are intuitive, probing and very focused on knowing who’s who and what’s what. Scorpios can lose their temper (and even become vengeful) when someone gets in their way, so it’s best to give them plenty of room. Remember, they’re unafraid, and a loss today simply means an opportunity for victory tomorrow.

I don’t say much. I like to observe. Analyze. Picking up on those verbal and non-verbal cues. I don’t lose my temper easily. That is one thing I am proud of. It takes a lot to make me upset. It has to build up over a period of time before I blow up. If that happens, then look out because hello She-Hulk!

The Element associated with Scorpio is Water. As opposed to the ‘roiling seas’ seen in other Water Signs, a better motto for Scorpios would be ‘still waters run deep.’ Those born under this sign are as emotional as their waterborne brethren, it’s just that they’re not as likely to show it. The Scorpio’s emotions are repressed, kept under cover. Again, these are secrets to be used another day.

I can be emotional. Once a month. Give me chocolate. Back away. I can be emotional other times, but with reasons. If the kids do something nice. Or if I realize how fast they are growing. It can make me weapy. Again, not really secretive. Rather get it out in the open, and talk about it. 

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these folks are clever, perceptive and always in the mix. Their ability to see into things can sometimes be a curse for Scorpios, however, since they can take an insignificant matter and turn it into a huge slight. Beware the Scorpio who feels crossed! These folks can turn vindictive in no time flat. Luckily, once Scorpios catch their breath, they will return to their usual determined and loyal (albeit strong-willed) ways.

Perceptive, yes. I am not cursed. Always in the mix. Maybe. In my family, I have a habit of getting involved in fights that aren’t my own. Sticking up for family and putting myself there beside them when they wouldn’t do that for me. After it is all said and done, it’s all for naught. If it is for my brothers– they end up back with the girl they were against. They want my help because I am the smart one, but when it’s over I’m the forgotten one. Vindictive? Nah. I don’t want revenge. I don’t hate anyone. 

Finally, while Scorpios aren’t above some subtle manipulation to get what they want, they’d much rather take a scientific, even mystical path. The Scorpio-born are powerful and passionate, qualities that serve them well, as long as they don’t let them deteriorate into self-indulgence or compulsion.

I am not keen on manipulation. Though I dare say it works with my husband to get what I want sometimes!

Scorpios love competition in both work and play, which is why they’ll air it out in sports and games. Extreme sports are right up Scorpio’s alley, as is most anything that will test their mettle. They’ve got to have an adversary, since it makes the game that much more fun.

I don’t like extreme sports. I do love boxing. Dancing. Walking. Slower placed sports that don’t involve heights, a high level of speed, and that amount of risk.

Scorpio’s colors? Powerful red and serious black.  Love black! It’s my color! Hate red.

When it comes to love, though, Scorpios soften up a bit and are caring and devoted with their lovers, even if they do hold on a bit tight. Scorpios are also lusty in the extreme (how else?), so they need to be mindful of their reproductive organs.

Yep.

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The great strength of the Scorpio-born is in their determination, passion and motivation. Scorpios don’t know the word quit, which is why they usually get the job done. A powerhouse? Like no other.

Usually motivated. Determined. Passionate. 


To sum it up– parts of my zodiac fit while others do not. All of the sites said some of the same general things I have here, and some different.

I do not think we were meant to fit our zodiac signs perfectly. If we did, we would all be alike. God never wanted us to be alike.

What fun would that be?

We were all born to be different. To make a difference in the world somehow.

We all make a difference in some way. Whether we realize it or not. We leave our footprints. 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 15: Writing Challenge

Day 15: Writing Challenge– Bullet Point Your Whole Day

  • Wake up craving more sleep, who doesn’t? Hit snooze.
  • Lay in bed those few minutes thinking about the upcoming day trying to think of reasons to wake up. Coffee is a good reason. Seeing the kids faces. Another good reason. They need an education. Truancy isn’t an option. All good reasons. Okay, I am awake. Mornings, Hiss!
  • Up and moving. Grabbing breakfast. Lunch items. Hoodie if I am cold. Turning on the clothes I threw in the dryer the night before, and trudging up the stairs.
  • Coffee is on. I am making lunches to save the kids from whatever is on the menu at school.
  • The dog and I wake up my son, the teenager, from his slumber. Grab my coffee. Make him breakfast, and we talk before we wake my grumpy daughter. She isn’t a morning person, either.
  • The BB-8 alarm sounds. The dog runs to her room with me. It’s like trying to wake the dead. Eventually she stirs. It’s alive!
  • She has breakfast when she can decide what she wants to eat. I fold whatever was in the dryer. We all wait our turn in the bathroom– where my husband is getting ready for work.
  • I have breakfast, and do the dishes while I stand over the sink. My son in a rush to grab everything he needs for school. He runs for the bus, and just makes it– every day.
  • Then, we turn on the music, and sing. Usually. She has time so she relaxes a bit before school. She reads her Bible, and plays games. Sometimes we watch television together. I will shower, dry my hair, put on make-up. Bus time.
  • I talk to my mother. My husband. My friends. Look over quotes. Listen to music. Read the newsfeed. Drink coffee. Try to get moving.
  • If I don’t have appointments, I bounce back and forth between cleaning, and writing. Organizing things. Exercising. Making any important phone calls. Meal planning. I have learned how to manage my time better. Before I wasn’t writing much at all.
  • If I have appointments, I am doing errands, too. But I also try to do most of my chores these days so I can write.
  • I watch the television shows I am behind on the DVR, and on Netflix.
  • Before my son comes home, I make part of their lunch for the next day. The other stuff I can grab in the morning for easy assembly. I wipe up the bathroom sink,  and toilet (maintenance after weekly cleaning). Grab some laundry if I have it.
  • When my daughter comes home, I look over her things from school. Help her with them, and I sweep. My son never brings anything home anymore. I have to look online! Then, we start getting ready for dinner.
  • My husband and I make dinner. The kids will help. My daughter likes to help prepare. My son likes to help grill, and will set the table. So eating, happens.
  • Everyone showers. We watch television, play games, or find something fun to do outside until it is time to watch our devotionals with Craig Groeschel, and have snacks. Then, it is their bedtime. So we tuck ’em in and we pray. *If they play outside, they shower later.
  • Once they are in bed, we find a show we like to watch together. Or he lets me watch one of my shows so he can watch one of his. If I can’t stay awake, I am off to bed to read a book, my Bible, and sleep! And do it all over again the next day!

Not my favorite day of the challenge.

Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 13: Writing Challenge

Day 13: Writing Challenge What are you most excited about?

Another easy one! After this week, I am tempted to say the weekend! Taking a long-term view– I will say vacation!


As a child, I never went on vacation. We tried to go to the beach one year. The weather had other ideas as it usually does when you make plans in advance.

The sky dark as coal. Ominous. Heavy rain. The trees blowing back and forth like puppets in the wind. We couldn’t go to the beach.

I don’t remember many details from my childhood, however, certain ones stand out. Swimming in the hotel pool with my dad. Grabbing pails of Kentucky Fried Chicken with extra gravy in the rain (dad’s favorite). Falling asleep with gum in my hair.

Riding down in cab of my dad’s red and silver Ford truck was the best part of the trip for me. It was fun. They laid a mattress in the back for me, and I listened to music and sang with my cassette player. I talked to them through the window. It was a beautiful trip– until we arrived.

That was first grade.


When I was nine my parents asked me to choose between a pool or a trip to Florida. It was my choice. What would I like better?

I picked the pool because it would last longer than a vacation. A year later my dad passed away. They were planning the vacation as a surprise, but with mom being newly widowed we never went.

After dad passed, we traveled a little. Trips to visit family in other states, but not vacation.

As an adult, I have never went on vacation. Little trips with my husband for car shows, but not vacation.

As for my children, they haven’t been on vacation– yet.

This year– the whole family goes on vacation! Should be fun. We are going to Outer Banks, NC!

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When I say the whole family goes, it really is the whole family. All my in-laws are going: my mother and father in-law, both of my sister-in-laws with their significant others, and their sons. We are looking forward to spending time with them as we never have any quality time together with living in other states.

The only thing bothering me a little is the probability for drama. Living close quarters with anyone for a week, it will happen. Being the kinda person I am when it comes to stressful situations, I am already thinking about ways I will tune out. “See you guys! I’ll be down on the beach!”

Unless it is my crew.  That possibility also has crossed my mind. I think the kids will be good. The beach will be someplace new to explore, and have adventures.

If not, I’ll bury them in the sand. “Teach you little twerps to misbehave on vacation! “I will be nice though and will give you some sunblock, and water.”

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I didn’t want to go to the beach. I wasn’t looking forward to it because of the possibility of drama. I don’t like it when people argue, and a lot of us are going. That many people jammed into a house can’t be good. Right?

As the months have passed, I find my perspective has changed. I can’t think of all the bad things that could happen. They might not happen at all. Things could be fine. But I will never know if I don’t go. I hate anxiety!

And we need a vacation! To get away from everything even if it’s only a little while. I am sure you can relate. Things pile up and eat away at you. A break is nice!

I look forward to spending time with our family, having fun, and the beautiful scenery. I will enjoy every minute. Hopefully with no rain this time!

Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 12: Writing Challenge

Day 12: Write About Five Blessings in Your Life–

My Blessings–

Finally, an easy one! Time to resume the challenges! It has been busy.


ONE–

Relationships in my family.  We are starting to actually like each other! I realize how I was raised creates some problems within our family unit. Relationships have suffered.

I am aware no family is perfect. Things may never be perfect within my family, and I have come to accept things for what they are, and people for who they are.

Even though I grew up feeling happy with my childhood and rejected by my parents in some ways, I am learning to understand them and the “why” behind it. I was never angry with them for sending me to live at my grandparents. Or not letting me stay with them on weekends. Only wanted answers.

This situation made me who I am today, and I am stronger for it. I had a great childhood with a loving home and parents. However, dissension sewed seeds among family.

Moving forward I am going to work on improving our relationship. Relationships can be rebuilt on a new foundation of love and forgiveness. 

I have learned you cannot make someone want to have a relationship with you. It is a two-way street. It is sad this happens in families, but it does. I am not going to let myself feel bad about it anymore.


TWO–

Health. I wake up feeling grateful that I am not worse for wear. Often it is hectic around here, however, I have learned to mange my time effectively. Even though I do have a couple of health conditions, I thank God it hasn’t been worse, and I pray for my friends who are afflicted in worse ways than I have been.

I have learned managing my time helps with stress. I do not know if you are like me– but I do not handle stress well. Some people– like my husband– cope well under stressful situations. I do not. I wish I had that superpower.


THREE–

Having a place to call home. So it isn’t perfect. It needs work. But it is our heap. Having a roof to cover your head is always a plus. The work will get done eventually.

When I say it’s a heap, I don’t mean to make it sound bad. I call it a “heap” because we have these annoying  “little things” to do. Though we keep saying we are going to do them, we put them off.  When I say “we,” I mean my husband. I want to do them.  He finds other “more pressing” things to do.


FOUR–

My children. My son and daughter — two of the greatest, most wonderful blessings in my life! If I could go back and do anything differently, I wouldn’t. I used to wonder what my life would look like if only I  had waited until I was older to have children since I had them so young. How different our life would be. Though they, too, would be different. I wouldn’t want that. 

I love and hate watching them grow. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I love seeing how alike and different they are. Like night and day.

I can’t wait to see what they choose to be. I can see their potential even when they don’t. Which is exactly what mothers do, cheer their children on! 


FIVE–

My husband. So he is the biggest pain in my butt sometimes, but he is my pain in the butt. Behind his grumpy exterior is the big “softie.”

He helps me be realistic. I help him dream. We balance each other out. We haven’t always been what we are now. Relationships aren’t easy, and we had growing up to do. But we made it!

Love is what you make it. A relationship is only going to be as good as the work you put into it.

Even though he ticks me off and I end up picking up after him like one of the kids, I love him more than anything in the world! He may have a knack for leaving his dirty clothes lying around, however, he knows just what I need to hear when I need it. Without him, I wouldn’t have the children. Or complete sentences (absent-mindedness!).

 

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Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day 11: Writing Challenge

Day 11: Writing Challenge– Something You Always Think What If About

The What-IF Trap–

When I was younger, I entertained the what-if’s in my life.

What-if I stayed with this person? What-if I developed a backbone before it affected my academic career in high school?

What-if my father hadn’t passed away when I was ten?

Truthfully, it is dangerous to think in “What-If’s.” It is a trap!

It’s like living in a fairy tale world of what could have been instead of what is now. Any time you do that, you have blinders on. Unable to see the good things happening around you.

This line of thought only serves to make you miserable. It is a waste of your time, and efforts. What could you be doing instead? 

I like to think everything happens for a reason.

Dealing with My What-If’s–

Everything in life serves to make you stronger. Who you are. I have learned this the hard way through life experiences.

I wasn’t always the person I am now. As we grow older, we change and grow. We don’t understand things when they happen to us. I still don’t.

I can see some as beneficial.

I see the rose-colored glasses. I believe the best in people. It’s who I am. It could be why I was bullied in school. I was raised differently at home with certain values, and to treat people respectfully.

Maybe they weren’t. 

I didn’t stick up for myself. Didn’t have enough courage. None of my friends would stand with me save for one.

Even though I went through this terrible experience with bullying, I am much stronger from it now. I learned who my friends were. I learned to rely more upon myself.

I picked myself up off the ground from a divorce, and went to college. (Before I met my current husband), I supported my son for two years, worked, and went to school. I have two degrees, and 80 % of a third.

It’s something I am proud of because this is the girl who let bullies push her out of school. Took her GED and passed the same day. Wooot!

If I hadn’t my life may be different, however, I might not have learned as much as I have from this experience.

Like my bad choices in relationships, I have had enough of them to last a lifetime. I used to wonder if I made the right choices in leaving/staying. Now that I’m older, I know that I have. I am happier where I am. 

Learning experiences!

It’s easy to look back and romanticize certain aspects of relationships when things aren’t going well in the present with current relationships. Even though things were horrible in past relationships. It’s not that you miss the person. You miss certain things you did.

It became easy to disconnect the “what-if I stayed with that person link” by doing certain things with my current parter. The affection, attention, and communication should be there anyway.

A relationship is what you make it. Like a car, it needs maintenance.

Relationships are important. Especially with family. I often wonder if my family would be happier if my dad were still alive. He passed in 1992.

Honestly, I see no reason behind his passing. With Nanny, I can say she was ready. She was old. With dad, he was 55. He died of a heart-attack in the middle of the night.

I can remember it like it was yesterday. Even if I try to forget it, I don’t think I could. It replays like a record. Because it was a traumatic experience, it has stuck with me.

It is hard to watch the decline of a family, but it continues even after 24 years. He was the adhesive holding us all together. Now we all fall apart. Go our own ways.

Everything Happens For A Reason–

Sometimes, “Everything Happens for a Reason” sounds like a cop-out. I will agree with that. In some situations, it doesn’t apply. Like when someone passes. It is shit. Not what a person wants to hear.

“I am sorry. Everything happens for a reason.” Sorry. No…

However, in other situations, events can happen for a specific purpose. To make you a stronger, better person. To help you deal with whatever it is you are going through. To help you navigate what is coming next!

For example: In 2012, I was diagnosed with both Sjogren’s Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. One is an autoimmune disease and the other is a chronic pain disorder.

At first, I was angry. Mad at the world! I went through stages of grief. I didn’t think I would ever be the same again!

Then, my outlook changed. Yes, I have these things, BUT they don’t have me. They won’t ever have me. I am going to wake up everyday, and give them the fight of their life. I will never surrender my body.

Since my diagnosis, I have a greater appreciation for people in my life. I try to let them know how much I care, and I love them. I try not to take anything for granted.

I have become more spiritual, and know I need God. I can honestly say without him.I may be in worse condition. 

They thought I had breast cancer. I didn’t. They thought I had lymphoma. I didn’t. I owe him everything. He is amazing! 

Though I would never push my  spiritual beliefs over on anyone, I don’t work like that. But I gotta say I believe in God, and the miracles he does. I am one! 

I do believe I was diagnosed with this disease, and condition for a purpose. I am not going to lie– it isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge some days. I think I am here to help those who are struggling.

I will never give up! It’s better to be positive. The negative will eat away your soul.

Living in the Now

Now that I am older, I realize living in the now is important. It is healthier.

It is alright to reminisce. Just not live there.

So I try not think with my blinders on anymore. Of “What-if’s” and would could have happened then?

Living in the present has enough worries of its own!

 

Food For Thought

“Every choice in life sets us on a different path and carries its own set of “what ifs” and consequences that we could worry about, but what’s the use? Rather than plaguing our thoughts with the unknown, we should focus on and accept only what we do know – and all we know is the path we’re currently on.”
― A.J. Darkholme

“Live your life without ever having to ask, ‘What if?”
― Ken Poirot

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
― George Harrison

“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”
― Shannon L. Alder

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Posted in Blogging, Writing

DAY TEN- Writing Challenge

Day TEN- Something I Feel Strongly About.


Being the passionate person I am I have a number of things I feel strongly about.

I could easily pick any number of them. Politics these days seem to make a multitude of people rage! Religion. Which easily upsets another group (God–Gotta have him?). Guns? (Gotta have em.)

Issues dividing people: hate, lack of respect, racism, ageism. Judging each other.

Or negative stigmas associated with depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disease. Just because you cannot see it and it isn’t happening directly to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You may not understand it, however, that person is battling something bigger that your perceptions of them. 

Today with everything I am struggling with raising a teenager– I have elected to choose Divorce. I know not everyone will agree with how I feel about it, and it is okay. We all have our own experiences making us who we are. 


As a child, my head was buried in the clouds. I lived and breathed make-believe. My imagination ran wild. My parents loved me and never missed an opportunity to show me. Even when it came to making me wear an awful shirt the first day of school cos “I looked so pretty.” (Thanks Mom!)

They loved one another. Joked with one another. Shared everything with one another. I never saw them argue. My basis on marriage was predicated from watching them. I dreamed of what my life would look like when I grew up. I wanted my life to look like theirs.

My childhood was nothing like my adolescence. Crumbling apart like the first piece of pie. Dad slipping away. After years of marriage, mom was alone. And she was sad. So very sad. Grief stricken.

My first marriage in no way resembled theirs. In all my years of dreaming, it couldn’t have been more opposite of my parents. Now I wonder if I ever knew him at all? Who was he behind those dark eyes, and the same deceptive smile I see in my boy?

Growing up the way I was raised, I wanted to believe the best in people. I believed I could change him. When I met him, he lived with his grandparents. He was helping his grandfather and former Marine, who had Cancer. He seemed reformed enough, and good enough– at the time.

I learned quickly you cannot change a person. You can only love them and hope they change. If a person doesn’t truly want to change, they won’t. It has to come from the heart. They have to have a reason to want to, and sometimes even their family isn’t enough.

After we were out on our own, he quickly started making contacts with people. Learning where “people of interest” lived, and making friends with them. We both were working. I didn’t know where which end began and the other ended sometimes. But it didn’t matter, we still couldn’t make ends meet!

I thought if anything would change him the arrival of our son would. Payday would come, and go. I would have to go pick up the paycheck, and deposit it myself. Unfortunately, in those days, he could go ATM hopping– withdrawing money. Thankfully, I had help.

I could never tell if he was lying to me. After awhile, his words and fake promises meant nothing. He kept getting caught in his web of lies, and the list of people he owed became too long. He refused help.

It is devastating to stand back, and watch your family fall apart. I never believed in divorce. I never wanted that for my family. It has lasting effects on the children.

We spent seven years watching him go back and forth. Not always having a good place to stay. Flea bites. Among other issues in communication. Drama. Power struggles with the step-mom. She wanted to be in charge.

We spent seven years building a case while his father went thirteen grand in arrears.Four years ago, he signed him over. Two years before, my son decided he didn’t want to go anymore. He was uncomfortable there. He didn’t feel like he was home. They were squatting. 

Over the years, we have had problems with my son. You name them we have had them. Oppositional Defiant. Bipolar. Anxiety. Depression. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He has been “labeled.”

Since making the break from his father and the negative influences, he has dropped most of these labels. We do not have the massive amount of trouble we had in the past. Just the normal stuff.

His grades and attitude in school have improved significantly. 

If anything the initial split had its negative impact and then after his split, its positive impact. You would think, right?

Only my son won’t accept his dad. My husband has proved himself in every way to my son. He asks to spend time with him– only to be pushed aside like trash. If he is forced to, he will. Cooly.

When he becomes angry–who is the first person he takes his anger out on? His dad. Oh, it makes me so upset. He works hard for us, and adopted my son. He has been here for him since he was four years old. He seems to appreciate none of it.

If he has a project at school– who is the first person he asks to help him with it? His dad. He can treat him like crap, but when he needs help it’s a different story. Or if his dad is playing a game, he wants to play, too!

He is respectful of his dad. He doesn’t like how his dad calls him out on his bull. He does it a lot, and it makes my son upset. I think it is why he gives him such a harsh rep.

My son doesn’t say much about his father. He prefers not to talk about him. He has bad feelings and memories about going places they went, and staying there. He did like it when he was actually a “dad” and not acting like an “outlaw” poaching deer out the back of his truck.

I think he becomes conflicted with his feelings because he does miss his father’s family. Just not his father.

Having my husband has been a good experience for him.

But he acts so much like his father and it gets him into trouble. The face of deception. The tongue of lies. He doesn’t know when to quit. He believes his own lies. 

I worry about him so much. I wonder if we broke him out of there in time before his father’s influence penetrated to the depths of his very young soul. I don’t want to believe the damage has been done as surely some has been reversible.

If he could quit lying…


I must confess my second marriage almost ended in divorce like the first. Because we both wanted our marriage to work, we worked to piece the broken pieces back together. Are we anything like my parents? I think we are in some ways.

He helps me be more realistic. I help him dream more.

I am happy we stayed together. As it has greatly benefited not only us making our marriage stronger, but it has also made our children happy. I didn’t want our family to be broken.


As a previously divorced person, I honestly believe divorce is not only hard on you but it is also hard on the child. If there are extreme circumstances, I know it can be unavoidable. In my situation, I couldn’t stay married to an addict.

Do I regret it? Some days I do. Honestly. I feel like I could have watched over him because I could have been there. I know I wouldn’t have been happy. We would have been broke. But I could have had more control.

 

It is so easy to throw a person away if we aren’t happy with them. Each person holds a treasure inside of them. You can’t find it if you aren’t getting to know them properly, and that takes looking up from your phone. Take your time. Get to know a person. 

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Posted in Blogging, Writing

Day NINE- Writing Challenge

Day NINE- Words of Wisdom that “speak” to me.

I LOVE quotes! I believe they have power to make a person feel good. Quotes are inspiring, funny, and encouraging.

I feel like quotes are special. When I look at certain quotes it is if the writing them knew I would be in a similar situation– so they wrote it just for me.

My “Top 15” Quotes. Maybe they will ease the “Monday Blues?”

One– “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
― Oscar Wilde

Two– “Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”
― Neil Gaiman

Three– “Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Four– “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
― Paulo Coelho

Five– “Always do what you are afraid to do.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Six– “My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.
― Steve Maraboli

Seven– “Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

Eight– “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou

Nine– “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Ten– “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”
― Plato

Eleven– “Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

Twelve– “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”
― Anaïs Nin

Thirteen– “I write for the same reason I breathe – because if I didn’t, I would die.
― Isaac Asimov

Fourteen– “The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.”
― Anaïs Nin

Fifteen– “And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
― Sylvia Plath

Do you have any favorite quotes? Feel free to share.

Lynne

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