Day 11: Writing Challenge– Something You Always Think What If About
The What-IF Trap–
When I was younger, I entertained the what-if’s in my life.
What-if I stayed with this person? What-if I developed a backbone before it affected my academic career in high school?
What-if my father hadn’t passed away when I was ten?
Truthfully, it is dangerous to think in “What-If’s.” It is a trap!
It’s like living in a fairy tale world of what could have been instead of what is now. Any time you do that, you have blinders on. Unable to see the good things happening around you.
This line of thought only serves to make you miserable. It is a waste of your time, and efforts. What could you be doing instead?
I like to think everything happens for a reason.
Dealing with My What-If’s–
Everything in life serves to make you stronger. Who you are. I have learned this the hard way through life experiences.
I wasn’t always the person I am now. As we grow older, we change and grow. We don’t understand things when they happen to us. I still don’t.
I can see some as beneficial.
I see the rose-colored glasses. I believe the best in people. It’s who I am. It could be why I was bullied in school. I was raised differently at home with certain values, and to treat people respectfully.
Maybe they weren’t.
I didn’t stick up for myself. Didn’t have enough courage. None of my friends would stand with me save for one.
Even though I went through this terrible experience with bullying, I am much stronger from it now. I learned who my friends were. I learned to rely more upon myself.
I picked myself up off the ground from a divorce, and went to college. (Before I met my current husband), I supported my son for two years, worked, and went to school. I have two degrees, and 80 % of a third.
It’s something I am proud of because this is the girl who let bullies push her out of school. Took her GED and passed the same day. Wooot!
If I hadn’t my life may be different, however, I might not have learned as much as I have from this experience.
Like my bad choices in relationships, I have had enough of them to last a lifetime. I used to wonder if I made the right choices in leaving/staying. Now that I’m older, I know that I have. I am happier where I am.
It’s easy to look back and romanticize certain aspects of relationships when things aren’t going well in the present with current relationships. Even though things were horrible in past relationships. It’s not that you miss the person. You miss certain things you did.
It became easy to disconnect the “what-if I stayed with that person link” by doing certain things with my current parter. The affection, attention, and communication should be there anyway.
A relationship is what you make it. Like a car, it needs maintenance.
Relationships are important. Especially with family. I often wonder if my family would be happier if my dad were still alive. He passed in 1992.
Honestly, I see no reason behind his passing. With Nanny, I can say she was ready. She was old. With dad, he was 55. He died of a heart-attack in the middle of the night.
I can remember it like it was yesterday. Even if I try to forget it, I don’t think I could. It replays like a record. Because it was a traumatic experience, it has stuck with me.
It is hard to watch the decline of a family, but it continues even after 24 years. He was the adhesive holding us all together. Now we all fall apart. Go our own ways.
Everything Happens For A Reason–
Sometimes, “Everything Happens for a Reason” sounds like a cop-out. I will agree with that. In some situations, it doesn’t apply. Like when someone passes. It is shit. Not what a person wants to hear.
“I am sorry. Everything happens for a reason.” Sorry. No…
However, in other situations, events can happen for a specific purpose. To make you a stronger, better person. To help you deal with whatever it is you are going through. To help you navigate what is coming next!
For example: In 2012, I was diagnosed with both Sjogren’s Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. One is an autoimmune disease and the other is a chronic pain disorder.
At first, I was angry. Mad at the world! I went through stages of grief. I didn’t think I would ever be the same again!
Then, my outlook changed. Yes, I have these things, BUT they don’t have me. They won’t ever have me. I am going to wake up everyday, and give them the fight of their life. I will never surrender my body.
Since my diagnosis, I have a greater appreciation for people in my life. I try to let them know how much I care, and I love them. I try not to take anything for granted.
I have become more spiritual, and know I need God. I can honestly say without him.I may be in worse condition.
They thought I had breast cancer. I didn’t. They thought I had lymphoma. I didn’t. I owe him everything. He is amazing!
Though I would never push my spiritual beliefs over on anyone, I don’t work like that. But I gotta say I believe in God, and the miracles he does. I am one!
I do believe I was diagnosed with this disease, and condition for a purpose. I am not going to lie– it isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge some days. I think I am here to help those who are struggling.
I will never give up! It’s better to be positive. The negative will eat away your soul.
Living in the Now—
Now that I am older, I realize living in the now is important. It is healthier.
It is alright to reminisce. Just not live there.
So I try not think with my blinders on anymore. Of “What-if’s” and would could have happened then?
Living in the present has enough worries of its own!
Food For Thought—
“Every choice in life sets us on a different path and carries its own set of “what ifs” and consequences that we could worry about, but what’s the use? Rather than plaguing our thoughts with the unknown, we should focus on and accept only what we do know – and all we know is the path we’re currently on.”
― A.J. Darkholme
“Live your life without ever having to ask, ‘What if?”
― Ken Poirot
“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
― George Harrison
“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”
― Shannon L. Alder